Wednesday, January 14, 2009

"I will bite your torso and give you a disease"

One of my very, very most favorite things about Austin is the Alamo Drafthouse. This place is the mothership of movie theatres -- they serve food and beers to you while you watch your movie! They have a ton of beers on tap including lots of really awesome local brews, like my favorite, Fireman's 4. And the food is amazing, though I personally have had only one thing -- the green chile macaroni and cheese. Yummy, gooey, tasty cheesiness with a little bit of crunch on top, plus explosions of green chile throughout. It is like crack to me, and even though I'd really like to try something else, my addiction won't let me.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to a regular movie theatre, not only because of the booze and the grub, but also because they don't show lame student-film Coca Cola commercials. They don't show any commercials, except their own promotions for awesome stuff happening at The Alamo. I mean, wouldn't you rather watch an ad for Super Happy Fun Monkey Bash 2009, a compilation of "mind-boggling insanity from Japanese television," than to have some shaggy-haired actor trying to sell you the latest artifical-cheese-product and freeze-dried beefarito from Taco Bell?

A lot of times they'll put up stuff before the movie that you wouldn't see anywhere else. Before Slumdog Millionaire, we were treated to truly awesome scenes from Bollywood movies and music videos that had everyone in the audience laughing and going "whaaat!" because of their absurdness. Before The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, they showed some super old-school Betty Boop cartoons, plus an old audition clip from Brad Pitt's early acting days. He appeared to be in someone's living room, and he looked like he was about 18. It was kind of painful to watch, and apparently the casting agent thought so, too, because he didn't land whatever part it was.

But perhaps even better than all of that is the "please be courteous" intro they show before movies. It made me laugh in an ab-workout-pain kind of way. I didn't know this until I tried to find it online, but apparently it was the intro to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. The Alamo version is edited down some to cut out the truly upsetting parts, and in my opinion it's funnier.


Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie Intro - Watch more Free Videos

"I will bite your torso and give you a disease" is by far my favorite line.

1 comment:

H.L. Nelson said...

Haha, I love that bit at Alamo. :) My friend just told me Mastodon did that song. Crazy!