Texanthropology

Announcing...

2011-07-24T19:21:00.000-07:00

...a new blog by yours truly!

I still heart Texanthropology, but I thought it was time for a fresh start, a fresh design, and a fresh focus.

So! I hope you will join me over at my new blog, Lettuce Beef Friends.

Thanks for hanging out here with me, and I hope we can still beef friends!

So I think I can dance.

2011-04-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

Are you looking for someone with abundant enthusiasm and highly unique moves to come to your dance party? Well, I am that person. Allow me to provide photographic evidence from two recent weddings I attended. Proof that I don't just cut a rug -- I eviscerate that rug with razor-sharp dancing stilletos, then I douse it in tiger blood and set it ablaze with my smoldering dancefloor facial expressions. I've conveniently named each dance move for you, so you can request your favorite one when I come to your dance party.

***WARNING: I don't think you're ready for this jelly.***

These first three are from our friends Claire and Ryan's awesome wedding at Mercury Hall right here in the ATX.

The Hallelujah Double Reverse Flip-Off.

The Raise Your Hands If You're Sure.

The High Five Me, Sister.

These next several are from our friends Madeleine and Matt's wedding in LA. (At the Hollywood BOWL, y'all. We have fancy friends.) Matt has this move called Dance Rambo that really deserves its own post entirely. Perhaps its own whole fan club.

The This Drink Is Rather Tart, Come Try A Sip.

The Naughty Velociraptor.

The Here Comes The Airplane.

The Praise Jesus. (Subtly different from the Raise Your Hands If You're Sure.)

The Mm-AHH Went The Little Green Frog.

The Oh No You Di-in't.

And my all-time favorite: Atomic Jazz Hands.

Obviously you want me at your wedding, bar mitzvah, office holiday party, gala, mixer, or retirement dinner. Just tell me when to be there.

I love you more...

2011-04-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I noticed that the "I love you so much" graffiti/street art adorning Jo's on South Congress had a new counterpart across the street at Snack Bar. And it made me giggle with delight.

I took these photos when the Lonestar Roundup was going on, and I loved this tough-looking chick and her tough-looking dog next to the graffiti.

Pic-knit

2011-04-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

Currently mourning the passing of one of the loveliest weekends of the year so far. I miss you, awesome weekend! You were taken from us too soon.

In memoriam, I'd like to post a photo I took at the knitting-themed picnic (or pic-knit, if you will) that kicked it off on Friday evening. I was so lucky to be invited by our awesome friend Catherine Smith, who works with renowned knit bomber Magda Sayeg, aka Knitta Please. I've been a fan for a while, so I was very excited to meet Magda. The Franklin BBQ, delicious cocktails, and delightful details didn't hurt, either!

Austin Bakes for Japan - Success!

2011-04-05T18:42:00.000-07:00

You guys! I had so much fun donating my amateur baking skillz to the Austin Bakes for Japan bake sale. I baked Madagascar Bourbon Vanilla Cupcakes with a buttercreamy (super creamy!) vanilla frosting. Since baked goods needed to be individually packaged, I ventured out to Hobby Lobby the night before and found these sweet little plastic ice cream dishes. Put two of them together, and voila! A perfect, cupcake-sized package. (Major credit to Kathryn for pointing me to the cup-on-cup idea! Um, and OH YEAH, for organizing the whole bake sale shebang! She's seriously awesome.) If you look really closely, you can see the awesomely not-horrible, hand drawn Texanthropology logo I got a while back from Horrible Logos for 5 bucks. (FIVE BUCKS!)

Some cupcakes before they went into their packaging. I like to squish down the raspberries a touch so they look like little hearts. (Don't worry, I definitely washed my hands so no boogers got on them.)

This baker's slogan is "Come and bake it," which is an adorable nod to Texas history and makes me believe that I should probably be friends with these people. Our shared interests are baking and Texanthropology, after all!

Look how much awesome baked goodness! Guess how much the five different bake sale locations raised. Guess.

Austin Bakes for Japan raised more than $11,000 for AmeriCares' efforts in Japan! WHAT! Crazyawesometown, right?! Go team!

P.S. You can still donate! Go here.

P.P.S. It got super hot that day, and when I went back later to check on how the sale was going, I saw that all that creamy frosting had melted flat onto my cupcakes, and the raspberries were sliding forlornly down the side. Le sigh.

P.P.P.S. BUT! Apparently people continued to buy them anyway! Also, my neighbor had no idea the cupcakes were by moi, but she purchased one for a whopping $5 donation 'cause she thought they were so purty. AW!

Texanthropology Bakes For Japan!

2011-04-01T15:29:00.001-07:00

Some of my food blogger friends are putting together an awesomely massive citywide bake sale to raise money for victims of the disaster in Japan, called Austin Bakes for Japan. How sweet, right? I myself am getting into the mix and will be baking some delicious vanilla cupcakes with fresh fruit topping to be sold at the Hotel San Jose bake sale location. Get all the deets via my Austinist article here, and see a preview of the treats I plan to make below!

2010: Year of the Theme Party - Part Two

2011-01-19T17:55:00.000-08:00

And without further adieu, here is Part Two -- further proof that 1) Austin is awesome and 2) so are my friends.

More 2010: A Year in Costumes!

ThrillerFest: Thrill the World 2010

This was our second year participating in Thrill the World -- the effort to set the record for the most people simultaneously dancing MJ's "Thriller." Whilst dressed as zombies. AWESOMETOWN. This time the hubs and I went as a pair -- zombie Lucy and Ricky. I gotta say, this might have been my favorite costume of 2010, though I have to deduct points for the difficulty of removing clumpy latex zombie-skin from my face at the end of the night.

We decided to take our zombie show on the road after the official Thrill the World event, and we ended up the night at Lustre Pearl where we largely remained in character the entire time, as evidenced by the zombie-hooping you see here. But, BUT! The best part of the night was when we put "Thriller" on the jukebox and all performed the dance, in unison, in the middle of the bar. The owner happened to be there and was so impressed that she demanded an encore performance and insisted on buying our drinks all night. I ask you, people, does it get better than that?

'90s Dance Party at The Highball

We didn't realize this wasn't actually a costume party until we got there and there were 3 of us dressed up in '90s-themed outfits. I wonder if people just thought I had an odd fashion sense... You will recognize my outfit from Part One's '90s Sitcom Party, though I slightly re-worked it to make it a little more Britney Spears "...Baby One More Time" than Clueless. A subtle distinction.

Tour de Fat

Every time the Tour de Fat from the New Belgium Brewery comes around, I spend the entire day repeating, "This is my favorite day, you guys. YOU GUYS. This is seriously the bestest day of all the days. FOR REALS." Because it totally is. It incorporates all of my favorite things: costumes, bicycles, and beer. AND this year it also incorporated Port-aoke. Do you know what that is? It's karaoke IN A PORT-O-POTTY. Not a functional outhouse, but one of those giant ones that's had the potty part replaced with a full-on karaoke set-up. We may or may not have been singing a Britney Spears song with great enthusiasm here.

What on earth are we wearing?? Who knows/cares!!! BEST DAY EVER!

Halloween Party at My Work

I'm Madeline, I'm Madeline! Do you recognize me from the children's books? I was incredibly proud of myself for sewing this dress with my very own hands. In the costume contest at work, I even won a major award: "Most Adorable." HA!

HalloweenOn actual Halloween, most girls like to make themselves look appealing. I like to go the other way and look crazy/disturbing. Here I'm a "fallen beauty queen," complete with floor-length sequins, "oopsie baby" belly, empty bottle of wine, smeared lipstick, cigarette, and askew tiara.

Christmas Cookie-Baking Party

My lovely friend Andrea had us ladies over to her house to bake Christmas cookies. They were amaaaazing -- she added almond extract to the icing, and I couldn't stop eating them. I supplied aprons for everyone to wear, and I think it really added to the experience.

Hideous Christmas!

I mentioned Hideous Christmas here before, and I was so proud to host the inaugural Texas edition in 2010. Yes, my puffy-sleeved ball gown is a repeat, but be honest -- if you owned that bad boy, wouldn't you look for any excuse to wear it, too? My handmade headpiece, however, was new this year and required a 2-foot clearance in all directions.

SO! That was 2010 as told through the many get-ups and get-togethers throughout the year. I can hardly wait to see what 2011 will bring.

2010: Year of the Theme Party - Part One

2011-01-11T10:17:00.000-08:00

I was looking back through photos from 2010 to see if there was anything worthy of a year-in-sum blog post, and, indeed, a pattern emerged.

Outlandish costumes!

Theme parties are one of my most cherished pastimes, and I do believe that we managed to squeeze in more theme parties and costumes in 2010 than in any previous year. In fact, many people who met me in 2010 have no idea what I actually look like because they only ever saw me "in character." This makes me feel more proud and accomplished than it probably should, but hey! Whatever! I lived the dream! The dream of my inner five-year-old who wants to play dress-up like it's her job.

For the award of "Most Outlandish Costumes Worn In One Year By A Person Who Is Neither A Professional Drag Queen Nor Lady Gaga" that I just made up and bestowed upon myself, I would like to thank my very obliging group of friends and the city of Austin for providing such a theme-party/costume-friendly environment. THANK YOU! *tear*

So, for your viewing pleasure, I present... 2010: A Year in Costumes.

James Bond Party

Way back in early 2010, when my hair was still blond, our friends Nick and Jess threw a James Bond Party. We all had hilarious, made-up Bond movie names, but I am old and senile and can't remember any of them. I think we made use of this Bond Girl name generator, however. Also, I baked blondies for the occasion, and the recipe is still saved on my computer under the title "Blondies. James Blondies." Heh.

Capitol 10KPeople tend to wear way crazier stuff to run the Capitol 10K than our semi-matching, vaguely late-80s/early-90s get-ups. We'll have to get a little more creative this year.

'90s Sitcom PartyI kind of cheated on this one because I was from a movie (though it later became a sitcom!), Clueless. (It was my homage to Brittany Murphy. Poor Brittany! :( )Can you guess the other two sitcom characters with me?

Girlie Sleepover NightI hosted a girlie sleepover night and clothing swap, and my friends Claire and Annie supplied enough mumus so that each of us could wear one for the night. Pajama party! My husband liked to imagine that there were pillow fights and jumping on the bed, but no.

Pirate PartyFor weeks I'd been moping around because the Alamo Drafthouse was throwing an ALL YOU CAN DRINK pirate party ON A BOAT for Talk Like a Pirate Day, but it was 60 bones and I didn't have that kind of booty. I had even entered and lost an online drawing for free tickets, but THEN the Twitter gods smiled upon me and offered me a pair of tickets after the winner of said contest couldn't make it at the last minute. So with less than an hour until the pirate ship left the dock, I called up my buddy Arin and said, panicky, "Can you be dressed like a pirate in 30 minutes?" She could, of course, because part of being my friend means being prepared for spontaneous pirate dress-up opportunities. I don't recall the names of the two wenches between us in this picture, but they were our new very best friends that night. Also, do you like my scary hook hand? Arrrrgh. Thanks to all the free booze and piratey giddiness, I definitely was suffering from a touch of the scurvy the next day.

Buena Vista Social (aka Cuba Party)
An excuse to wear something unwieldy on my head AND drink Cuba Libres? Yes, please!

Los mustaches!

But Jess definitely took the mojito-flavored cake with her handmade Cuban cigar costume. Viva la theme party!

Yelp's "Puttin' on the Ritz" Roaring '20s Party
Mike and I went to an amazing '20s party put on by Yelp at the Speakeasy (of course, right?). Free food and drinks, a casino, burlesque dancers, strands of pearls, Yelp schwag, and a photo booth, ha cha cha!

And that, friends, is only HALF the theme parties from 2010. Stay tuned for Part Two!

Hideous Christmas

2010-12-13T15:08:00.000-08:00

You guys. It's time for my favorite theme party of the year... Hideous Christmas!!! This started more than 5 years ago with my wonderful L.A. friends, and for the last two Christmases I've missed it dearly. Well, this year I'm starting Hideous Christmas - Texas Edition and bringing the tackiness to Austin.

So put on your musical socks, your puffy-painted sweatshirt, and your blinking Xmas-light earrings and come to our house this Saturday night, December 18! Party starts at 8pm, and we're giving a prize to the person generally agreed upon to be the most hilariously hideous.

This is a come-one-come-all type of situation, so don't be shy! We'll have a keg of Shiner Cheer and some other treats, not to mention a make-your-own ornament table. I feel weird putting my address out there on the interwebs, so for more details please email me at texanthropology (at) gmail (dot) com. Or find me on The Twitter - @texanthropology.

Ho ho hope you can come!

Election apprehension

2010-11-08T22:00:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday was my very first time as a voting Texan, so I was pretty excited about going to the polls. Until I actually got to my polling place and remembered the extreme anxiety I experience every time I vote.

Every election day I somehow lose my grasp on the English language completely. In LA, I used to march in with my sample ballot all filled out, meaning all I had to do was a "copy and paste," essentially. But even then I'd become seized with doubt and spend a good five minutes on every check box, making double and triple sure that I hadn't checked the opposite of the one I meant.

My voting anxiety was so bad during the 2000 presidential election that it carried over to the next day. I had been so afraid that I would accidentally vote for George W. that when an acquaintance asked me who I'd voted for, I blurted out, "George Bush!" (*GASP* *SHAME*) "NO! I mean, AL GORE!" Dude thought I was a royal nutjob, I'm sure.

So last week when it came time for my first ever Texas voting experience, I was even more thrown off than usual. First of all, in California when you vote on a proposition, your choices are "Yes" and "No." But in Texas, or at least in Austin, your options are "Agree" or "Disagree." Considering my already borderline illiteracy at the ballot, this really sent me into a doubt spiral. Did I agree? Was agreeing the same thing as yes? What's with all the trick questions!!?

Add to that the newfangled touch-screen voting system, and I was suddenly a geriatric dyslexic attempting to program a VCR. What should have taken me 5 minutes probably took more like a week. The same fear I always have when I go to the polls took over -- that I would somehow accidentally check the box or push the button that means I'm in favor of something horrific like murdering all the puppies and kittens.

Artistic representation:
But afterward, once I convinced myself that I hadn't accidentally murdered any innocent baby animals, I was filled with exhilaration. I'm a citizen! A voter! A very important person! But when you are a Democrat voting in Texas, those warm fuzzy feelings are pretty short-lived. Kind of like writing a letter to Santa Claus -- you're full of hopes and dreams while you're doing it, but the next day you realize you're probably going to have to settle for a Cosco 6-pack of tube socks and whatever flavor of Tic-Tacs were left at the grocery store on Christmas Eve. Le sigh.

In other voting news, I kept up a little bit with what was going on at the polls in my former home state of Cali, most notably Prop. 19 for the legalization of marijuana. It was defeated, but more people came out in support of it than I would have thought. This photo my sister-in-law posted from her local Taco Bell is one of the best political endorsements I've ever seen:

Does anyone else get super nervous about making a mistake at the polls?

Bathroom surprise

2010-11-07T19:47:00.000-08:00

Is there ever a scenario where the words "bathroom surprise" could mean something good? I can't really think of one.

This weekend we drove up to Denton, north of Dallas, to visit Mike's mom for her birthday. Before taking off on our four-hour drive, we stopped at Mr. Natural on the eastside for some breakfast. After a couple of breakfast tacos and a giant glass of spinach-pineapple-honey juice (I know! sounds crazy, but it's really just crazy good), it was necessary to visit the ladies' room for a pre-trip tank draining.

The bathroom -- a single-user set-up -- was unoccupied when I arrived. After a thorough inspection, I determined that there was no lock on the inside. I assumed this meant the patrons of Mr. Natural were probably aware of the restroom's vulnerable nature and knew to knock before opening the door, or else that maybe the door locked automatically somehow.
I had just finished up my business when I heard someone approach. In retrospect, this would have been a good time to clear my throat loudly or maybe sing (to the tune of Frère Jacques), "I am in here, I am in here. Yes I am! Yes I am! Don't open the door, please, I'm not finished wiping... Don't come in. Don't come in!"

But no. I was trusting the unspoken "no lock, must knock" rule. That apparently is not a real rule.

Despite being fully aware of my vulnerability, I still managed to be wildly surprised when a woman in running shorts threw open the door like she had an urgent job to do. Luckily I had already gotten my panties on, but I was in the midst of the arduous, wiggly, embarrassing process of shimmying back into my skinny jeans.

Now, when you are ambushed in the bathroom, you really have no control over what comes out of your mouth. This has happened to me once or twice, and I always blurt out something that doesn't make a whole lot of sense and certainly doesn't help the situation. This time, I said loudly, "Whoa, whoa...!" in the same tone you might use to calm a spooked horse if your only experience with spooked horses was watching re-runs of "Mr. Ed" as a kid. Running Shorts Lady paused for several seconds mumbling some "sorries" and not going anywhere, as though she were waiting for me to do something? Like waddle over to the door with my pants at mid-calf and close the door for HER? It was confusing for everyone involved, I think.

When I came out, Running Shorts Lady was nowhere to be seen (probably off trying to shake the image of my pale, ungirded thighs from her memory), and I collected my husband and shuffled out the door as quickly as possible without meeting anyone's eye.

Here is an artistic rendering of my Bathroom Surprise (complete with historically accurate puffy corduroy jacket, skinny jeans, and cowboy boots):

Have any of y'all been surprised in a public restroom? Is there an ideal way to respond in this situation?

Right on the button

2010-08-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm so lucky that it's mildly upsetting, even to myself. This is one of those times.

A couple days ago, Mike came home hiding something behind his back. "No, you can't see!" he said. "It's a sorpresa!" (Spanglish spoken with a super-white accent is often the language of choice in our household.)

But I wrestled it away from him, and it was a bag from Prototype Vintage, one of Austin's most awesome vintage shops. And in the bag was this painfully adorable dress:

Dear god, the buttons! Can you see the buttons?? When I saw the buttons I let out a squeal so high-pitched it set every dog on the block into a barking frenzy. (Sorry, neighbors!)

To recap:

My husband surprised me with a gift, for no special reason.
This gift was a DRESS that he picked out all by himself.
This dress was vintage! AND it fit perfectly (a difficult feat for a vintage item!)!
BUTTONS!

Last night I wore it out to First Thursday on South Congress, and I got tons of compliments from very sweet strangers. I'm sure all of those strangers were sorry they said anything, because I proceeded to enumerate the above points with an off-putting degree of passion. Some people can't take a compliment, but not me. I CAN take a compliment, but instead of just politely accepting it, I will bludgeon you with it until you beg for mercy.

I blame the buttons.

Live every day like it's Shark Week

2010-08-03T18:04:00.000-07:00

First of all, when did Shark Week become so ironically hip? It is like the mustache of TV programming. But I am not here to criticize Shark Week, friends! I am diving into Shark Week in a chum bikini without the protection of a giant steel bite-proof cage! (What?)

I started off Shark Week festivities big on Sunday night with a group of courageous buddies willing to brave the treacherous, icy-cold waters (actually, super safe, bath-like waters) of Lake Travis for the Alamo Drafthouse's Rolling Roadshow production of Jaws. We got to FLOAT! In TUBES! On the LAKE! With BEERS! And watch JAWS! Plus they gave us all Jaws coozies that said "We're gonna need a bigger float." How crazy awesome is that?

Me, Andrea, and Claire at sunset on the lake!

But the kids from the Drafthouse didn't stop there. To fully immerse us all in the Jaws experience, they had someone swim through the crowd wearing a ginormous shark fin.

Dun-nuh. Dun-nuh-duh-nuh-duh-nuh.

Squeeeeeee!

Don't worry, I totally punched that shark in the nose, wrestled it into submission, and then made necklaces out of its teeth and some woven hemp and sold them to tourists.

The really devious part of this experience, though, was the fact that scuba divers were swimming underneath our flotilla of tubes pulling on people's dangling legs as we watched the movie, so every now and then you would hear someone shriek out in pure fight-or-flight terror. While that is totally evil, I think us actual movie-watchers got the last laugh. Swimming around underneath 200 floating Austinites whose bodies are rapidly processing multiple cans of Modelo and Shiner Bock? That actually sounds way scarier to me.

FIN

Cat-ernet Savignon? Meow-lot?

2010-07-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

After a taxing day of tongue-bathing his private bits, Mr. Pickles likes to unwind with a nice glass of meow-lot.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Hamburgers

2010-06-28T11:22:00.000-07:00

Ah, the 4th of July—a proud celebration of our independence from the tyranny of British rule. But perhaps more importantly, it’s a chance to celebrate our freedom from heinous British food. So stand up, fellow Americans! Say “no!” to mushy peas and claim your right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of hamburgers!

This Independence Day, Austin is offering plenty of opportunities to take advantage of some of our nation’s most patriotic dishes—hamburgers, hot dogs, and good ol’ Texas BBQ. And of course it wouldn't be America's birthday without plenty of raucous music and ambitious fireworks displays.

Freedom isn’t free, but here’s some stuff that is:

Free burgers and hot dogs at Ego’s first ever Fourth of July Water and Fireworks Party. Just make sure you wait 30 minutes before getting back in the kiddie pool.
Free red, white, and blueberry milkshakes from Mighty Fine Burgers between 2pm and 6pm on July 4 at all three Austin locations.
Free BBQ samples at the second annual Brew-B-Que at Buda City Park from 11am to 11pm on July 4. Admission to the event is $15, but you get to judge the Back Yard BBQ contest, which will include such Austin BBQ legends as The County Line and Artz Rib House.
Free concert and fireworks show from the Austin Symphony outside the Long Center on Auditorium Shores. If you bring your dog, make sure to cover his ears before the Texas National Guard Salute Battery fires their Howitzer cannons during the 1812 Overture. The Austin Symphony Orchestra will begin performing at 8:30 p.m. and the fireworks will begin at 9:30 p.m., ending at 10:00 p.m. Make sure you get there early because it gets crazy packed. Also, be sure to disguise your alcohol well because it's not allowed.
Free concert and 4th of July celebration at Seaholm Power Plant, benefiting Anthropos Arts, a non-profit that aims to enhance music education in Austin. My favorite Austin band, T Bird and the Breaks, is headlining. If you see T Bird and you are able to refrain from dancing, you probably don't have a pulse. The event starts at 4pm with plenty of libations, BBQ, and Tex Mex and lasts until the fireworks are done.

Meat-free, but not dollars-free:

Can you still be considered a true red-blooded American without stuffing yourself full of red meat? You bet your buns you can! If you so chews, show off your iron stomach at “The Final Bun-tier: Fourth Annual Veggie Hot Dog Eating Contest.” This July 4 event runs from 1pm to 4pm at The Tiniest Bar in Texas. Sign up to enter here. If you don’t want to compete, $5 gets you a Tofurky dog, free Nada Moo ice cream, and some truly tasty entertainment.

Pricey, but worth it:

Willie Nelson's 4th of July Picnic is a decades-old tradition in Texas, and this year it will take place at the newly renovated Backyard at Bee Cave. Tickets are $55 each, but in addition to seeing The Man himself perform, you'll get an earful of 22 other musical acts, including Asleep at the Wheel and Los Lonely Boys. Doors at 11am, show at noon.

Happy birthday, America!

Roadside Delights

2010-06-22T20:53:00.001-07:00

My parents were in town over the weekend, and I had the pleasure of exploring the Hill Country with them. There are few things in this world as charming as a roadside stand stocked with straight-from-the-farm fruits and veggies, delicious honey and jam, and homemade ice cream. It's making me drool a little bit just thinking of the fresh peach ice cream with a hint of coconut that tricked me into thinking I was somewhere tropical for a few minutes. Well done, Texas!

San Antonio Daycation: A Photo Essay

2010-06-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took a little daycation to San Antonio with some lovely ladyfriends. We had lunch at Mi Tierra Restaurant & Bakery, which is kind of a misnomer. It should really be called "Mi Tierra piñata-twinkle light-mariachi-margarita-cookie explosion with salsa on top." In a totally awesome way. Afterward, we went next door to El Mercado, where I distracted myself from buying a bunch of sugar skulls and paper garlands by taking pictures with my Hipstamatic app instead. I love, love, love all the color in the market and in San Antonio in general. We kept marveling at how San Antonio is just a little more than an hour from Austin, but it feels like a whole different world.

On our way out, there was a classic car show going on, so it kind of felt like a whole other world AND a whole other era, giving our daycation a bit of an international time travel flavor. Delicious!

Bike to Work Day!

2010-05-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

There are so many exciting things going on right now, it's giving me a wee bit of a headache just thinking about them all. To relieve a little of the excitement-pressure on my brain, I'll share just one fun-ness with you now...

It's Bike to Work Day, at the end of Bike to Work Week, in the midst of Bike to Work Month!

Now, I bike to work pretty much every day unless it's raining*, so this day/week/month isn't particularly different for me, except! Today is free food for bikers day! A bunch of Austin restaurants (including Whole Foods, which started right here in the heart of Texas) offered free breakfast this morning for all those who were biking to work. I hit up Bouldin Creek Cafe for some hippie-made, organic, vegetarian fare and enjoyed the smooth tones of a live banjo with my spinach omelette. (Live music is hard to avoid in Austin, even at 7:45am.)

But wait, that's not all! Our local Chipotle restaurant offered free lunch today for bicyclists. Here is their super cute flyer:Some of my buddies at work have organized weekly bike-to-lunch rides during Bike Month, and that has been SO fun. It feels like we're our own little biker gang riding around downtown Austin -- albeit a really non-intimidating, slightly sweaty biker gang with one particularly slow-moving cyclist on a cotton candy pink cruiser (hi!).

Anyway, I don't know of any bad-ass biker gang that would say "no" to free burritos, so of course we had to go.

You give me free food & I'll give you The Crazy Eye.

Free burritos = bike orgy.

Rarrr, biker gang of deeeeeath!

*I feel like this makes me sound high-and-mighty, so let me offer some qualifications:

I am too lazy to fix the two (2!) broken cars languishing in front of our house.
I live .9 miles from work and it's completely downhill the entire way in. I only have to pedal, like, 7 times.
I get paid an extra $100 a month for not taking up a parking spot in our tiny office parking lot.
I never have to drive anyone to any off-site meetings.
Why yes I will have another happy hour margarita, thank you!

Austin to Snyder: A Photo Essay

2010-05-17T16:37:00.001-07:00

Shot on my iPhone using the Hipstamatic "John" lens. I always love the drive out to West Texas, even though this time it was for a sad reason -- the passing of Mike's lovely grandmother.

"Bring It On" - Update

2010-05-07T14:08:00.000-07:00

So, last Friday's mocking of "Bring It On" was as side-splittingly funny as I'd hoped. My buddies Kenna and Jess and I were solidly the only people to show up in costume, but we were totally fine with that. I guess that's one of the major differences between being in high school and being almost-30 -- you're more willing to submit yourself to public humiliation?

Anyway, we were invited up on stage for a chance to win free dental work (yay?) in exchange for showing off our cheerleading moves. Kenna, who was captain of her college cheerleading squad the Kangaroos (making her Captain Kangaroo), whipped out a perfect herkie jump.

(Example of a herkie.)

Since I haven't busted a cheerleading move in probably 13 years, the only thing I could think to do was show off the embroidered horseshoe marks on the back of my cheerleading bloomers. So I turned around, flipped up the back of my cheerleading skirt and waved my 29 1/2-year-old booty in front of a theater full of people. People who probably shifted uncomfortably in their seats and thought, "Someone please make her stop, she's embarrassing herself."

Eh.

(There I am on top. You could fit a whole pair of pom poms in my gaping mouth because I was screaming with sheer terror thinking I was going to plummet a horrifying two feet and break every bone in my body.)

(Here's our whole group. Don't we look like Gleeks?)

P.S. I must mention that I experienced a moment of private, internal glory when I was able to put on my high school cheerleading uniform and it FIT. You probably want to punch me in the throat for bragging now, and I don't blame you. But, !!!! Miracle!

Oh, it's already been broughten!

2010-04-30T09:28:00.001-07:00

I am breaking out the high school cheerleading uniform tonight and joining some ladyfriends for the 10pm mocking of "Bring It On!" at the Alamo Drafthouse downtown. Have I told you about these "Master Pancake" events before? It's like Mystery Science Theater 3000, but LIVE. Hilarious comedians make merciless fun of a movie, and there is usually a drinking game involved. The last one I saw was "Lord of the Rings," and I think I am still suffering internal injuries from laughing so hard. (How had I not noticed the seriously hilarious bromosexual tension in that movie before?)

I can't wait to put on that cheerleading skirt, pull my hair into a tight, high ponytail with a coordinating grossgrain ribbon, and laugh my pom poms off.

Be your own Daddy Warbucks

2010-03-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

So, I still need to file my report from my field work in Corpus Christi (SB2K10, woooo!). But I am putting that off because today happens to be Tuesday, my new most favorite day of the week.

Tuesday was never high on my list of days in the past, mainly because around 1pm on Tuesday I usually realize DEAR GOD IT'S ONLY TUESDAY. Shouldn't we be further along in the week by now? But I've discovered that one of the best deals in town happens on Tuesday, and now I have a reason to live through Monday every week. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the beauty that is happy hour + 1/2 price burger day at Annie's Cafe on Congress.

Yummmmm.

In LA there was an abundance of good happy hour deals, probably because everything is so overpriced during the other, emotion-neutral hours. Mike and I were slightly disappointed with the happy hour selection in Austin, despite the fact that the drinkin' here is so much more affordable to begin with. SO when we discovered the Annie's happy hour, we ran around in frenetic circles until we were too dizzy to hold our cocktails steady without spilling.

The happy hour at Annie's is one of the best in this town or any other. $3 off their high-class, grown-up cocktails (hello Austin Old-Fashioned and fancy St. Germaine!), $1 off draft beers and, best of all, a carafe of wine (3 healthy glasses!) for just $6. But here's why Annie's happy hour is best on Tuesday -- it's also half-price burger day. This means you get a Texas-sized burger with grilled onions and melty cheese plus a mountain of crispy French fries for about $5. If you are not a mathemagician I will break it down for you: $5 burger + $6 carafe of wine = $11 bellyful of winey, beefy goodness.

So don't be surprised when you see me on a Monday and I'm singing at the top of my lungs, "Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! You're only a daaaaay a-waaaaay!" Because the rest of the week may be a hard-knock life, but on Tuesdays I can totally be my own Daddy Warbucks at Annie's.

Gas - it's natural

2010-03-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't really said anything yet about this year's South by Southwest and that's because I'm kind of pretending it doesn't exist. Once SXSW Music starts, it feels like the entire city has gone on grown-up spring break -- the weather has usually just turned glorious, there is free booze and food at every turn, and everyone is in such a great mood it's as though the city water supply is spiked with a healthy dose of ecstasy. (Do people even do ecstasy anymore, or was that just a '90s thing?)

Sooo the music festival starts tomorrow, and I am currently sitting in a Hampton Inn hotel room in Corpus Christi. And then I am off to LA for the remainder of the week/weekend. On one hand this is great because it means I can expand my Texanthropological research to a new city, rack up some frequent flier miles AND see my LA friends (hi guys! expect to be bear-hugged to the point of suffocation in T-minus 2 days!). But on the other hand, whiiiiiiiining. And saaaaad faces.

I did crash a couple of SXSW Interactive parties, though, so I feel good about that. AND I got a VIP ticket to a SXSW film premiere this morning at the Paramount Theater!

Mike's cousin Mark has spent the last year+ in Louisiana making a documentary about the largest natural gas field ever discovered in North America, the Haynesville Shale. The movie is called "Haynesville," and it made its North American debut today during SXSW. Since we're kinfolk of the producer, we got to be VIPs! This didn't mean a whole lot considering the film was free and anyone could come, but I am going to keep right on feeling special anyway.

You know how when you go to see something that someone you know created, you really want it to be good? But you're scared that it won't be, so you kind of brace yourself? Because either way you have to give them rave reviews and this is stressful when you are a bad liar like me. Thankfully "Haynesville" ended up being one of the best movies I've seen in a while, and maybe the best documentary I've ever seen.

It appealed to the nerdy environmentalist in me because it had lots of good facts about natural gas, which I'd been totally ignorant about. And it explored America's abusive relationship with energy in an engaging, enlightening way. But better than all that were the human stories that were layered in to the film. These stories are hilarious, infuriating and moving, but most of all they made me want to have a tangible, positive impact on my own community. And they made me believe that it's possible to do so.

Y'all should see this movie. It's an independent film without wide distribution, so you'll have to buy the DVD or check for screenings near you. Here's the website for more info: http://www.haynesvillemovie.com/

I'll be gathering research on spring break rituals in Texas for the next couple days, so stay tuned!

(P.S. I hope that those of you who thought this post was going to be about farts are not too disappointed. Your time will come, I'm sure.)

Sweaty with spring fever

2010-03-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

It's crazy gorgeous outside, so it's criminally lame for me to be inside on the computer right now, but I have half an hour to kill before I bike off to the Zilker Park Kite Festival. So here I am!

I am super sweaty with spring fever, and I thought I'd share what we were up to all day yesterday with our trowels and rakes and whatnot. Now, historically speaking, I do not have a green thumb. Exhibit A, the plant from Ikea that I either over- or under-watered, not sure which:

Um, those leaf thingies were originally poking out all over the place like, "Whee! I am pokey and fun!" But now he is just all, "Hrooooo, I am a droopy sad plant begging to be put out of my misery." However, I like to think that this is not entirely my fault, as maybe Ikea's plants are constructed like their furniture and aren't meant to last longer than 6 months.

Before yesterday I had never planted anything in the ground because I've never owned any soil. But thanks to the affordability of Austin and the first-time home-buyer tax credit, we have our own house now! And it came with soil!

So I picked out a little flower bed in the backyard as my first project. I am kicking myself for being an idiot and not taking any "before" pictures. But basically it was just a scraggly patch of nothing-much. So I dug up all the scraggles, and here's what it looks like now, with a few begonias and a "grassy lassie" aloe plant and a few other bits and bobs:

This maybe doesn't look particularly special, but I am immensely proud of my first gardening attempt anyway. Mike has been laughing at me because whenever he comes in the backyard I am just standing there, completely still, staring at the flower bed. Sometimes I'll be carrying something into the house from the car, and I'll have to stop for a few minutes with my arms full and stare at the flower bed. This happens anytime I complete any sort of DIY project -- I have to spend at least 3 hours staring at it: inspecting it, appraising it, appreciating it, memorizing it, whatever. Because I made that! Me! I did it! Ooooh pretty.

We spent a big part of the day at The Great Outdoors nursery buying plants and picking the brains of their incredibly helpful staff. They helped us select some things that hopefully won't shrivel up into tiny tumbleweeds in the impending summer heat. I have the most hope for this "seedum" that Mike planted in a rusty old tractor part he found on his family's ranch. This stuff just looks tough:
Anyway, off to the kite festival! Yaaay, spring!

Spring Forward

2010-03-13T18:16:00.000-08:00

I'm super excited to spring forward tonight. Yaaaay longer days! We've got a little spring fever at our house and spent all day shoveling and tilling and planting in the gorgeous weather. Here's a small preview:

Pics from "Pastries and Pasties" at Emo's

2010-03-12T23:12:00.000-08:00

You will just have to take my word for the fact that it was much awesomer than my drunken pictures might indicate.

Mmmm, cupcake cook off.

Cupcake trophy!

Barebones Orchestra. Surprisingly folksy for a band with skeleton facepaint.

Fish-headed burlesque dancer? Apparently I only took poor pictures
of the weirdest stuff. And no good pictures of anything.

Cupcakes and sweaterpuppies

2010-03-11T12:33:00.000-08:00

There are certain moments in world history when two things came together and revolutionized life for the better. For instance: peanut butter and jelly, Salt 'n' Pepa, chicken and waffles, Steven Tyler and whoever Liv Tyler's mom is.

Prepare yourselves, my friends, because an equally monumental union is happening tomorrow night. I present to you an event guaranteed to delight at least four of your senses: "Pastries and Pasties, a Burlesque Cupcake Cookoff!"

That's right: cupcakes AND BOOBIES.

Photo from last year's P&P, borrowed from Wired.com

When I found out about this, I fell down dead from the excitement. Luckily it was a temporary deadness, because otherwise I would have to miss the most exciting moment of my life, happening tomorrow night, Friday, March 12 at Emo's. People, cupcakes are my very favorite non-Tex Mex food. They are personal-sized! They are pretty! They taste like happiness with glee-flavored frosting! And then there's the boobies. Everyone likes boobies -- if you say you don't like boobies, you are lying.

I've been wanting to check out Emo's for some time, since it's one of the most famous venues in town and some awesome bands have played there (hello, Johnny Cash!).

Here are the basics for Pastries and Pasties:
March 12th, 2010 8pm-1am
At Emo's, 603 Red River

Dancing ladies include:
Kitty Kitty Bang Bang
Jigglewatts
Big Star Burlesque

Musical acts:
Barebones Orchestra
Clyde and Clem's Whiskey Business
John Pointer
Soy Bombs
Salesman

Other intriguing acts:
Dr. Sketchy
La Fenice
Sensei Strange

Cupcake bakers are:
Polkadots Cupcake Factory
madCakes
The Cupcake Bar
Toot Sweet
Holy Cacao
Delish Cupcakes

Go to the website to get your tickets. And then let's all go to Emo's to get an eyeful AND a mouthful! Hee!

Tacos for breakfast! Google Maps for bikes!

2010-03-10T08:43:00.001-08:00

This is kind of the most exciting morning ever. I just found out that Google Maps is going to add bike routes to its Austin maps, which is going to revolutionize my transportation! Austin is such a manageable size and we live so central to everything, we ride our bikes a LOT. But it can be terrifying trying to navigate a busy street with no bike lane, so Google Map directions would be amazing. Maybe I won't have to wince with fear of impending death and dismemberment every time I pedal downtown.

Austin 360 article on this Google wonderfulness here.

But wait, that's not all! The New York Times has an ongoing love affair with Austin -- they've posted several complimentary articles in the last few months. Most recently, they published an homage to one of my very favorite things about Austin -- the breakfast taco. When we came to Austin and discovered this most perfect breakfast food, I wondered how it could have possibly eluded me all these years. I mean, eggs and cheese and bacon and yumminess in a tortilla? DUH! It seems so obvious; why isn't every city all over this? Especially LA, land of the taco truck?

The article mentions Tacodeli, which definitely has the best breakfast tacos in town. One of my favorite things on a Saturday morning is to walk down to Jo's Coffee Shop on South Congress and order myself a migas Tacodeli breakfast taco. Migas = eggs, avocado, veggies, corn tortilla strips, magic.

And in the future I will be able to ride my bike to breakfast tacos anywhere in town without fear of getting my brain scrambled!

The New York Times article is here.

Mortified

2010-03-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

I have spoken before about my love of the Alamo Drafthouse, the place where most of my paycheck ends up each month. Well, last week Mike and I attended an event at the Alamo that I have been dying to see for at least three years -- "Mortified." According to the official website, "'Mortified' is a comic excavation of the strange and extraordinary things we created as kids. Witness adults sharing their own adolescent journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more."

People, this is comic gold. I don't know what compels the human race to document our most embarrassing years in pen and ink, but thank god. Because when it is unearthed again many years later, it is pure, mildly uncomfortable entertainment. Kind of like "The Office" meets "My So-Called Life," but REAL.

Lucky for those of you that missed last week's show, there is another one this Wed., March 10 at the Alamo downtown. And for those of you who live in LA, your next local show is Wed., March 17 at King King. Yay yay!

At any rate, I've been inspired to dig up some golden literary nuggets from my own past to share with you here. The below diary entry is dated July 18, 1993:

Dear Diary,
Hi. No, wait. Howdy, hello, hey! I'm really happy. Today we got back from 2 weeks vacation at Newport Dunes. It was cool! I'm writing because I need to record a very important date in the history of my life. On Wednesday, July 14, 1993, at the age of twelve, I got my first boyfriend. His name is Jeremy Elting. He has medium-brown hair, gorgeous deep-blue eyes, and freckles. He moved to Newport Beach from Utah. He is fourteen years old. We did not kiss or hold hands, but we hugged good-bye. It is my hope that we will stay in touch, and close, by mail and phone. I miss him already.

Love,
Becky

I was clearly delusional, and I'm sure this boy had no idea that hugging me one time made him my boyfriend. You may be surprised to learn that we did not stay close through the U.S. mail, so he was spared from my dramatic love letters recounting our magical hug in painstaking detail. Additionally, I just tried Googling "Jeremy Elting," and he appears not to exist. Perhaps my one true hug was wise enough at the ripe age of 14 to give me a pseudonym and dodge any possible stalking via the postal service or landline telephone.

The Texas Independence Day 5K Run(s)

2010-03-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

One of my New Year's resolutions was to re-dedicate myself to my Texanthropological research on this here blog. Well, January snuck by me, so I figured I'd make it a Chinese New Year's resolution... but here we are in March and I'm now behind according to several different calendars. Luckily International Women's Day is here, aaaaand seeing as how I'm an international woman (?) I'd better seize the day!

Maybe you're wondering what's been up with Texas. Well, a lot has been up with Texas -- in fact, way too much to cover in one blog post. So I'll start with the most recent thing: Texas Independence Day.

I was especially excited for this year's Texas Independence Day, seeing as how I'd accidentally left the state and completely missed this high holy day last year. The day itself (March 2, a Tuesday) passed without much fanfare other than a few Davy Crockett quotes getting thrown around, including the favorite: "You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas." (Said in response to a lost re-election bid in his home state of Tennessee. Davy and his coonskin cap were two of the key players at the famous battle of the Alamo. Remember?)

Anyway, to celebrate the great state of Texas and its proud, coonskinny history, I signed up for the Texas Independence Day 5K run this past Saturday. I had been expecting a Texas-sized turnout for this event, so the scanty group of a couple hundred runners at the starting line was slightly disappointing. What was NOT disappointing was the several-stories-tall Texas flag that was hanging from a crane over the Congress bridge, where the race started. Also disappointment-free: the dude in period costume who shot an antique rifle to signal the start of the race, the several people wearing Texas flag running shorts and the surly, mustachioed bikers who served as the pacesetters for the runners.

If you were one of the first 50 finishers, you would receive the highly coveted prize of a super nerdy baseball cap featuring a historic Texas flag: retail value $10. Thinking I was just out for a leisurely, Texas-appreciation-filled, Saturday morning jaunt, I didn't think much of this wearable trophy. That is until the last, oh, 20 steps of the 5K.

Throughout the race, I'd been steadily tramping along, passing several people along the way. But I definitely hadn't, like, "trained" or anything ahead of time, so I didn't think I was in contention for any sweet, red, white and blue headgear. Plus, I had boldly stuffed my face full of sausage pizza and spicy pasta the night before, thinking to myself, "Carbo loading! Yay!" But come Saturday morning, mid-5K, there was no yay. There were only angry tummy rumbles so sinister that I was afraid to even relieve any pressure (if you know what I mean).

But thanks to high school cross country, I could not bear to ease up, no matter how angry that spicy sausage became. I could see the finish line! I was Forest Gump! I passed six or seven pairs of Texas flag running shorts as I kicked it in. But then with 20 or so steps to go, my tummy exploded into intestinal gunfire the likes of which the Alamo never experienced. I slowed up slightly, concentrating all my efforts on keeping my insides inside. Just as my pace went from all-out sprint to medium jog, a couple of runners overtook me. And as they crossed the finish line, I heard the race official on the other side yell out, "Forty-niiiiiiine, FIFTY!" Damn you, spicy sausage pizza pasta binge! If not for you I would be wearing an ill-fitting, poorly designed, man-ish baseball cap right this minute! And every day for the rest of my life.

But no. The only thing you get for being #51 is the bitter taste of broken dreams and the clinging stench of failure. Or maybe those things were because of an urgent, post-race appointment with the port-o-potty. Hard to say which.

Anyway... go Texas!

Away We Went

2009-06-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, it's been a really long time since I've had a serious, air-gulping, body-wracking, puffy-eyed, sleeve-soaking cry. But then we went to see "Away We Go" at the Alamo tonight.

I should have known this particular movie would leave my soft parts open to brutal attack, considering it stars the awkwardly adorable John Krasinski and was written by the heartbreaking duo of staggering genius, Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida.

But you guys, I really didn't expect to dissolve into a puddle of snot and eyeball juice right there in public. Because here's the deal. Even though the movie had some really outlandish characters, and even though some of the dialogue was mildly overwrought, that shit felt so real to me I pretty much fell apart. I know there are lots of differences between my life and these fake movie characters, but damned if it didn't feel like they were me and Mike, except I'm not pregnant and Mike can't grow a beard.

If you don't know anything about this movie, the basic point of it is that this couple in their early thirties accidentally gets pregnant and goes on a quest to find the perfect place to live and raise a baby. They run into all different types of people on their journey, trying to figure out what type of parents they want to be and what city is the best fit for them. And you know what? Even though Mike and I are a few years off from having kids, in the back of our minds one of the major reasons we wanted to get out of LA and find somewhere that really feels like home to us is because one day we're going to be adding another person to our family, too. And we want to bring that new person to a place where we are truly able to be ourselves, and where they can easily figure out who they are.

I know this quest has been around since Bible-times, when people wandered entire, sandy continents for decades trying to find a better life. But something about "Away We Go" felt so fresh and relatable, it hit me just right. It felt good to be reminded that this experience of forming a bond with another person and then making a completely new path together is not unique. It's part of the human condition. And there's something scary and wonderful and satisfying about not knowing what's right, or else deciding to ignore what everyone else tells you is right, and then just making it up for yourself. Maybe that makes me sound like a douche, but sitting in the dark watching these two people find the place where they belonged made me so grateful not only for the amazing partner I've found, but also that we both had the courage to start down a new path together. It's not exactly easy, but it's so, so worth it.

So, go see "Away We Go." Because it's awesome. And it's totally not the chick flick I've made it out to be. In addition to many, many other very original and creative scenes of hilarity, John Krasinski yells "CUNT-SUCKER!" really loud in front of lots of people. You will laugh, you will cry, you will laugh and cry some more. You will sit in the bathroom stall sobbing for a few minutes afterward while the automatic toilet flushes three times. And you will love it.

Happy(?) Juneteenth

2009-06-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

Periodically I will learn some charming fact about Texas history that kind of makes me go, "...REALLY?" Case in point: Juneteenth.

So, I found out that my client at work had the day off for a state holiday. This happens frequently, these random days off for mysterious "Texas holidays," such as Armadillo Day or BBQ Ribs Day. I didn't think much of it because of the constant holidayness, but then people at my office were wishing each other "happy Juneteenth" and discussing the Juneteenth meals they were planning to cook. So finally I got curious and asked one of my co-workers, "What the hell is Juneteenth?"

Co-worker: "Were you born in Texas?"

Me: "Nope."

Co-worker: "Ok, basically Texas is an asshole. When Abe Lincoln emancipated the slaves, Texas just decided not to tell them. For TWO AND A HALF YEARS. Finally, a couple years later on June 19th, Texas said, 'Oh yeah, this thing happened where you are kind of free.'"

Me: ... !

Co-worker: "I know, shitty, right?"

So now Texas celebrates(?) Juneteenth as Emancipation Day. From what I've been able to gather, Juneteenth celebration(?) consists of black people being like, "Eff you, effing white people" and white people throwing parties where they serve fried chicken and watermelon. Does that sound super racist? Yeah, I thought so, too. But I am for reals not making it up. Every now and then something like this reminds me that, yes, indeed I live in Texas.

Running Nose

2009-03-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

So, I know I said I would talk about SXSW, but I ran a 10K this morning and I feel like I should bang out a post about that while I'm still all buzzy with runner's high.

I'd been hearing all week about the Statesman Capitol 10,000, a 10K race sponsored by one of the big newspapers here in Austin. I didn't really think too much about it, until I discovered yesterday that the starting line is just a few blocks from our house and also that this particular 10K involves costumes. Costumes? And running? Two of my great loves combined into one inexplicably weird and self-punishing hour of sweat and chafing? Helllllll yeah!

I did a little more research and learned that the Cap 10K is the largest 10K in Texas, and that last year more than 18,000 people ran it. It's one of the official markers to the beginning of spring in Austin. I was planning on running 6 or so miles today anyway, so at 6:32pm yesterday I said, "Let's do this thing!" And then I ate some ravioli, because I figured carbs were appropriate in this instance.

I decided I didn't have enough time to prepare a proper costume, so this morning I just put on some regular old running clothes, made myself a smoothie and biked over to the starting line. There was a giant Sea of People at the starting line, just south of the Congress Ave. bridge over Town Lake. Lots of people were wearing capes, a few were dressed as Easter bunnies, and some just had funny t-shirts, like a girl I saw whose shirt said, "Race official - do not pass."

Something weird always happens to me when I'm lined up for the start of a huge race like that. Something about the combined energy and excitement and nervousness of those many thousands of people overwhelms me, and I feel the need to burst into tears and sob like it's an episode of "Extreme Home Makeover" and I've got PMS. Isn't that weird? Like, I'm so amped up to be part of a huge group of people doing something good for their bodies, all in really great moods, all yelling encouragement to each other, and I get really emotional. Do I sound like a huge freaking hippie or WHAT.

Anyway, the starting gun went off and the Sea of People began to ripple forward. From then on for as far as I could see it was just a solid mass of bouncing heads and t-shirts. It is such a gorgeous day and there were so many fun costumes and bands playing along the way, I ran with a huge, goofy grin for the entire 6.2 miles. There were some really stellar costumes, but I had two favorites. One guy was dressed in a cardboard box he'd painted to look like an electronic road sign that said "Caution! Zombies ahead!" and his friend was dressed as a zombie. (This is now an inside joke amongst the entire city of Austin. I've posted on it before but refer you to Austinist if you haven't seen the photos.)

But by far my favorite costume was a woman who was wearing a giant nose, like in those gross Sudafed commercials where the people are just huge, talking noses with legs. It covered her entire body from her head to about her knees, and on the back it said "Running Nose." A pun-related costume at a running event. .......!

!

I finished the race really strong, even though all that smiling slowed me down a little bit. Afterwards I treated myself to two breakfast tacos and a latte, which I enjoyed out on the front porch because it's such a beautiful day. And now I'm going to shower and get right back outside to enjoy the 75 degree weather and blue skies.

As Mike said to me the other day, "I don't think the weather's going to be nice for too much longer. I think that Austin heat we've been hearing about is on its way." I said, "I know, it feels like Sunday." He looked at me kind of confused-like, and I said, "You know, it feels really awesome and perfect right now, but in the back of your mind you know something bad is coming soon."

But for now I'm in love with spring and running and costumes and puns and AUSTIN! Yay!

All Hail Free Beer

2009-03-21T17:11:00.000-07:00

This was at the Aussie BBQ last Friday during South by Southwest (or SXSW. Or South by, in local lingo.) More to come soon, but for now I am still recovering from fun overload brought on by SXSW, St. Patty's Day and March Madness all happening at once. One thing I learned last week: I am certifiably old.

Happy St. Pickles Day!

2009-03-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

Mr. Pickles sometimes gets his holidays confused. He'll probably be drinking Guinness on Cinco de Mayo.

Mas cerveza, por favor!

My Texas Passport Might Be Revoked

2009-03-04T20:15:00.000-08:00

I've been delinquent! I know. In my first week as a full-time employee at the marketing agency I ate three square meals a day at my desk, plus second dinner around 1 or 2am before finally going home. Funny that they waited until I was no longer on hourly pay before asking me to keep speed-tweaker-lawyer's hours. The following week I didn't have energy for anything but re-runs of "My Super Sweet Sixteen," and that was just because I didn't have the mental wherewithal to press "guide" and see what else was on.

THEN, last weekend we went to upstate New York for my future-step-sister-in-law's baby shower, which was lovely, if not overly hyphenated. We just happened to have booked our return flight to coincide with the worst storm of the year, resulting in one canceled flight and several other delayed ones before we finally were back in Austin and drooling on our pillows. That's my way of making excuses for abandoning the blog for a little while.

Sadly, while we were up in yankee territory, I seriously set myself back in terms of Texas enculturation. I missed Texas Independence Day.

Ha! Texas Independence Day, that can't possible be a big deal, right? I mean, is it even a real thing, or is it made up, like Arbor Day? If you don't know anything else about Texas, you should know that Texas is very excited about... Texas. And Texas is very into the fact that for nearly a decade it was its own independent republic. So, in fact, March 2 -- the day Texas declared independence from Mexico -- is like a high holy day here. State employees have the day off. People throw parties and play hold 'em. There are chili cook-offs and period costumes. For. Reals.

Texans' pride in the unique culture and lore of their state is endlessly fascinating to me; I don't think the same type of allegiance exists in any other state.

In my research before moving here, I read "Kinky Friedman's Guide to Texas Etiquette - or - How to Get to Heaven or Hell Without Going Through Dallas-Fort Worth." Kinky is a country musician/politician/writer/cowboy and, most importantly, a Texan. He is kind of like a modern-day Mark Twain, if Mark Twain were Jewish and BFFs with Willie Nelson. Anyway, his book was full of useful information such as "things you would never hear a real Texan say" -- for example, "Duct tape won't fix that" or "You can't feed that to the dog." (Mike pointed out that real Texans also probably wouldn't say, "I just read this book on Texas etiquette..." Meh.)

I learned a lot of valuable information from this book, including the meaning of the "Yellow Rose of Texas." The final battle of the Texas Revolution against Mexico was the Battle of San Jacinto -- a last stand between the Mexican army led by Santa Anna and the Texican army led by Sam Houston. It seems Santa Anna had a penchant for lovely mulatto ladies (bow chicka bow bow!). Sam Houston supposedly sent a hottie virgin slave named Emily Morgan to distract Santa Anna with her feminine wiles while the Texican Army psyched themselves up to attack. The battle forced the Mexicans to retreat and gave Texas its freedom. Since Ms. Morgan traded her flower for Texas' independence, she's forever known as "The Yellow Rose of Texas." Turns out the best way to defeat your enemy is sometimes with his own... bayonette.

Of course I'm not in favor of pimping out ladies for any reason, but I do think it's an interesting story. Way racier than gardening, which is what I thought the phrase referred to. Anyway, happy belated Texas Independence Day, y'all!

Bird Watching

2009-02-15T12:47:00.000-08:00

On Thursday night, Mike and I had a date to go see one of our favorite musicians, Andrew Bird. We bought the tickets months ago, while we were still living in LA, so it was the ultimate in delayed gratification when the night finally came. He was playing at the Paramount Theatre here in Austin, a kind of local landmark that was built in the early 1900s and is absolutely beeeautiful. Walking up, we knew we were in the right place because of all the awkward people in complicated outfits standing outside -- Andrew Bird is one of those musicians that attracts the hipster types.

I frequently discover a new favorite band by going to see someone I like and falling in love with the opening act. In fact, this is how we found Mr. Bird -- he opened for The Decembrists at the Hollywood Bowl last summer. Continuing the good music domino effect, I found the Bird's opener, Lonely Dear, to be thoroughly delightful.

Mike and I spent a good while debating whether or not the lead singer had an accent; it was so very nearly American that we thought maybe we were imagining it. When he admitted to being from Sweden, we sort of smacked our foreheads and said, "Of course!" I rarely pay attention to what a Swedish person is saying because I'm too focused on trying to decide what/if their accent is.

Anyway, they were lovely. I especially enjoyed one song where they had the entire theater sing back-up "da da da da da". It reminded me of my Bible camp days, sitting around the campfire and tacking my little voice onto the big, floating chorus. Except this crowd was really more "drunk and high" than "Deep and Wide."

Andrew Bird himself was straight out of a Tim Burton movie, all long and lanky and Jack the Skeleton King-ish. He was surrounded by freakishly large grammophone-looking dealybobs and whirlygigs. He played the entire show completely solo, but he sounded like an orchestra. He'd record himself playing one instrument, loop it, and then layer other stuff over it. He was constantly tapping pedals with his feet and swapping instruments and whistling and generally one-man-banding like a pro. It must take a superhuman amount of coordination -- I can't even change the radio station while I'm driving without veering into the next lane.

AND Y'ALL! What did he bring out at the beginning of the show for good luck? Guess! Can you guess? It was....

....a GIANT SOCK MONKEY! Some woman in Toronto made a giant sock monkey in his likeness, complete with skinny tie and violin case. He said, "I know it's silly, but you bring it to a couple of shows, they end up being good, and then you can't go on without it." !!!

In fact, there was a lot of sock talk. Early on, he kicked off his shoes for greater ease of pedal-tapping. He looked down and said, "Oh, my new horse socks. You see, there are little horses all over them. It's playful, you know. Like when your ninth grade math teacher would wear crazy ties. It's like that, for socks." Hipsters eat this kind of banter up. (Actually, so do I.)

I can say with no hesitation that Andrew Bird is the first person on planet Earth to make the violin cool. You will be hard pressed to name someone else who plays the violin and is not an overachieving nerd. (Sorry nerds.) He has total command of that instrument and could probably be first chair of any of the world's great orchestras if he weren't so twitchy. But instead he's a super cool, sock-monkey lovin' one-man orchestra, sometimes flipping that violin around and going ukelele style all over it.

I loved every minute of that show, even though I was occasionally preoccupied by his freakish coordination. For those of you in LA who want to do some Bird watching this week, he'll be at The Orpheum this Wednesday the 18th. Start trolling Craig's List, I think it may be sold out.

Beef Hearts

2009-02-14T17:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's! As the saying goes, They're not farts now, but they'll beef hearts later. Nothin' says romance like a fart pun!

Sitting Kitty

2009-02-07T17:41:00.000-08:00

This is the illustrious Mr. Pickles, awaiting his close-up.

In Queso Emergency

2009-02-05T20:46:00.001-08:00

There are many obsession-worthy foods here in Austin, but my greatest weakness by far is queso. I didn't know this before I came here, but "queso" in Texan means "delicious cheese dip you want to eat at every meal." Generally speaking, queso dips are kind of Velveeta-esque except way more awesome and way less glompy. They can be really thin, or they can be creamier, they can have lots of delicious spices and peppers, they can have ground beef, they can have avocados. I imagine it is just what melted sunshine tastes like -- a little hot and spicy and a lot happy.

I have sampled probably a dozen quesos around town so far, and my favorite at this point is from Torchy's Tacos (pictured above). It's a medium consistency full of peppery goodness, and about five minutes after I took that picture I was sticking my face into the empty bowl to inhale any remaining queso molecules hiding in the pores of the styrofoam. (Just kidding.) (Sort of.) (Also, what's with using styrofoam? Didn't that go out with aerosol hairspray?)

Anyway, I was totally happy eating queso approximately 4.7 meals a week, but I've encountered a queso crisis.

One of the excellent perks of the marketing agency that I'm working for is their fitness program. I started it last week, and the nutritionist came and gave me a "body assessment" so they could measure my improvement after six weeks. I think "body assessment" sounds like something out of a Lifetime Original Movie, where mean sorority girls strip me down to my underwear and then circle my problem areas with a Sharpie, calling me names like "rhino thighs." Actually, she just took my measurements and calculated my body fat percentage, which is higher than the average. (Damn you, queso!)

So to make us all less squishy, a trainer comes four days a week and makes us do painful things with medicine balls. We also have to keep a "food log," which has been kind of embarrassing for me. Let me share with you a direct quote from the nutrionist after evaluating my food log from last week. Ahem. "What I like to do with food logs is give out stars. The way you earn a star for the day is that you get vegetables and good fruits and lean proteins. I can honestly say you got no stars. Do you have any questions on how to eat?" Wait, an intravenous drip of cheese is not how to eat? Whoops. I feel like if she could give me negative stars she would. "I'm sorry to tell you, Becky, but you have earned a black hole for the day."

So, it is with a heavy heart that I say to queso, "Goodbye for now, friend. Please believe me when I tell you I will think of you every minute of every day." (Tear!)

Deaf Jam?

2009-02-04T07:11:00.000-08:00

We live right next to the Texas School for the Deaf, and walking past it this morning on the way to work I noticed this sign. First of all, this is just further proof that you can't get away from live music in Austin. It is everywhere, even at a pancake breakfast at the deaf school. Second of all, and I really am not trying to be a jackass here -- I legitimately am curious about this. Will the music be performed by the deaf students? I'm embarrassed to say my knowledge of deafness is limited to the movie "Mr. Holland's Opus," so I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the logistics of this proposition.

Monkey Sew, Monkey Do

2009-02-02T19:48:00.000-08:00

While every other blue-blooded American was watching football yesterday, I was learning how to fashion a monkey from socks. This is part of my personal resolve to become craftier. It began several months ago when I bought a sewing machine on eBay, determined to learn some life skills. The sewing machine arrived, I hopped up and down and clapped my hands together, I opened the box and took out the machine and went, "Whoa." Then I hid it in a corner until a time when all Tivo'd shows had been watched and I had nothing to do but read a 400-page sewing machine manual and watch an instructional DVD.

That time hasn't come yet, but I am making small advances toward the lonely Singer languishing in the closet. For instance, monkies!

I was browsing the class listings at a local craft store called Craft-O-Rama when I came across the description for their Sock Monkey Class. First of all, who doesn't need a sock monkey in their life? Second of all, the class description ended with the encouraging line "Kiddos welcome." I thought, well, if a kiddo could do it, maybe a twenty-something sewing machine-phobe could, too.

Seeing as how everyone else in Austin either already has a sock monkey or else has friends to watch the Super Bowl with, I was the only person in the class. It turns out I am very good at tangling thread and not very good at sewing in a straight line, but after three hours and a lot of personal attention from the teacher, by golly I had a sock monkey of my very own making! Allow me to introduce him:

"Why don't you come sit right here, hmmm?"

"Keep it down, I'm trying to take a little cat, er, monkey nap."

The only thing he lacks is a name. Any good suggestions?

Zombie Neighbor Helmet

2009-01-27T18:15:00.000-08:00

Three things:

1. Zombies. Apparently Austin is under threat of zombie attack, as reported by my favorite local blog, Austinist. Mike and I have been really into scary movies over the past year, so these zombie warnings are extra amusing to me. Braaaaains!

2. Neighbors. Tonight I picked up supplies for dinner from a place about a block from us, Cissi's Market. It's part gourmet grocery store, part wine bar, part restaurant, and it's really delicious. Tonight I grabbed some lavender asparagus, YUM. I got to talking to the girl who rang me up, and she said that they give a "neighbor discount" for people who live nearby. Apparently most of the shops and restaurants on South Congress (the super hip and happenin' main drag near our house) offer similar types of discounts. This is just one of the many ways Austin really builds a sense of community. I always have the feeling here that people are looking out for each other, and that atmosphere makes it much easier to be new in town.

3. Helmets. When we got here, we would kind of rub our eyes and do a double take every time we saw a dude flying down the freeway on his motorcycle without a helmet. Apparently in Texas you are not required to wear a helmet if you have either taken a motorcycle safety course or have $10,000 medical coverage. Because understanding how to safely operate a motorcycle is going to save you when some bonehead pulls a left turn without paying attention and makes hamburger meat out of your head. This is like saying, "Oh, you took a health class in high school where you watched a 1970s projector video on safe sex. You are now cleared to participate in daily orgies." Except genital warts are less likely to make you dead.

But according to this article I read today, bikers' rights groups feel that the government should have even less say over the safety of their heads. What on earth is the argument against wearing a helmet? Most bikers I've seen are either bald or have mastered the art of the multi-hairband ponytail, so it can't be fear of helmet hair that's the issue, right? SIGH.

Frantastic

2009-01-25T09:08:00.000-08:00

By now it's probably beginning to sound like all we do is eat, and sometimes it does feel that way. We really are trying to be better about eating at home more often, but last night we decided to defy Suze Orman and head out for a bite. It was nearly 8pm and frigid oustide and we hadn't come up with any ideas for dinner yet, so a classic American burger sounded like just the ticket -- quick, warm, cheap, tasty. For the last two years before moving to Texas, I managed to avoid eating beef 99.9% of the time. Maybe it's part of my assimilation into Texan culture, but I think I've had more beef in the six weeks since we've moved than in those last two years put together. Whoops.

We'd been wanting to try Fran's Hamburgers, a classic joint just a few blocks from our house. It was pretty sad and dingy looking inside, but sometimes those type of places have the best food, and this was no exception. We ordered jalapeno cheeseburgers, fries and chocolate milkshakes for a grand total of $13.62. For all of that!

Reading my future sister-in-law's blog The Garden of Eating, I came across a term I hadn't heard before, "a hamburger economy." I guess in times of economic hardship, the cheap fast-food restaurants actually do well because even when people can't afford anything else, they can usually afford a hamburger. Before Fran, it was really more of a "mac 'n' cheese economy" in our house, but maybe that will change...

It was all really frantastic (heh), but my favorite part was the chocolate shake. It was the real deal -- you could see the swirls of chocolate sauce in the thick ice cream, not like some restaurants that use a pre-made mix. And we marveled that the shakes stayed thick even after we'd finished eating (which, as I've mentioned before, can take a year or two). A lot of times if you wait to have your shake until you're done eating, all you're left with is some very unsatifsying, overly thick chocolate milk. But not when Fran's in charge!

MixMix Master

2009-01-22T19:10:00.001-08:00

We are having a lot of fun collecting favorite restaurants around Austin. Since we still have less than .3 friends here, we're relying a lot on Yelp and the excellent Eat.Shop Austin guide for recommendations. One local establishment that received high praise from both is Koriente, a Korean restaurant located in the heart of downtown Austin.

We ate there last night and were waited on by a delightful young lady with lots of pep and sass. She was like a lot of people we've encountered in Austin -- very friendly, super relaxed and seemingly very happy. We overheard her in conversation with the table next to us:

Guy: Excuse me, would you consider this to be a "mom and pop" establishment?

Waitress: Well, yes. Because it was started by a mom and a pop. Not my mom and pop, though... I'm just a random Korean who works here.

It really does have a family feel about it. That picture at the top of the post was painted by one of the founders' kids near the back door at Koriente. It explains how their mom hated to cook but felt really bad always feeding her kids crappy, unhealthy take-out food. So eventually she decided to start a restaurant that served healthy, delicious food so people like her could have their take-out and eat it guilt free.

Last night Mike and I had the most fun-sounding food on the menu, mixmix bibimbap. Go ahead, I will wait while you let that roll off your tongue a few times. Chant it loud, set it to song! Mix! Mix! Bi-bim-BAP!! Has any dinner in history ever sounded more like an '80s dance craze?

My mixmix bibimbap consisted of steamed rice, marinated chicken, thinly shredded red cabbage, delicate julienne carrots, cucumber and red pepper with a wasabi soy sauce. Anyone who has ever eaten with me knows to bring a pillow along, since it usually takes me four hours longer to finish a meal than the average person. I freely admit it -- I'm slow. Ice ages come and go. Supreme Court judges retire. People enter and exit the DMV. But I am still eating.

Not, however, at Koriente. I ate my mixmix bibimbap with a jet-powered fork. It was like I couldn't even take breaths between bites, I was too panicked that someone might take my bowl before I'd eaten every wasabi-soy-soaked grain of rice. And THEN? The random Korean waitress brought us each a scoop of smooth green tea ice cream on a bed of crushed pistachios, with honey drizzled on top. If you want to avoid the urge to rub Asian food all over your naked body and then take a green tea bath, don't go to Koriente. I'm just sayin'.

And, you know what ELSE? Most of their entrees are like $6 or $7... American. And their beers are $2.50! Miso happy!

Sanctuary!

2009-01-21T16:47:00.000-08:00

Mike's dad lived in Austin for many years, so he's still got a few connections around town. One such connection is with the founders of a wellness center just outside of town called The Crossings. The Crossings focuses on holistic wellness -- they have a spa, but they also offer yoga, spirituality workshops and meeting space for various groups. It's sort of similar to the beautiful Omega Institute in New York, which Mike's stepmom co-founded.

We drove out to The Crossings on Sunday afternoon and were lucky enough to get a tour of the place from one of the founders. It's up in the hills overlooking the lake, and it's absolutely breathtaking. It's surrounded by trees -- part of a county-owned reserve that will never be developed. Outside of the spa is an infinity-edge pool with fantastic views, plus a hot tub and saunas. It's hard not to feel completely relaxed there.

But my favorite spot at The Crossings was an area they call the Sanctuary -- a smallish building with courtyards on either side. This is the entrance to the Sanctuary:

When you look through the archway on the left into the courtyard, this is what you see:

So far Mike and I have been thinking we'll have our wedding in California, but this gorgeous location got me thinking, "Hmm, maybe an Austin wedding could be quite lovely!" It definitely doesn't get much more beautiful than this!

Vegetarians, Avert Your Eyes

2009-01-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

Mike's dad is visiting us this week, so we've been on the go a bit. We spent Thursday and Friday on a little road trip back out to the ranch in Snyder to visit Mike's grandma. Maybe the best part of any road trip is trying new restaurants, and I would have to say that was the highlight of this trip.

About an hour outside Austin is a little town called Llano, which is situated right on a river and has lots of very charming antique shops. They also have Cooper's BBQ, which is widely recognized as some of the best BBQ in the free world. I'd seen it featured on the Food Network many years ago and never thought I'd find myself sharing a picnic table there with camouflage-clad deer hunters deep in the heart of Texas, but life's full of surprises, isn't it?

All the meat is cooked outside in these big "pits" -- you can get beef ribs, pork ribs, sirloin, pork roast, chicken, goat ribs and two different kinds of sausages. They all are cooked in this really amazing rub that is kind of salty and peppery and spiced just right. Once you order, the dude will ask if you want BBQ sauce on it, and if you say yes he will dunk it in a big vat of thin, red, vinegar-based sauce and sling it onto an orange cafeteria tray. If you are like me, you may think having your lunch thrown around by a burly man in an apron is slightly off-putting, but you will feel totally fine about it once you sit down and take your first bite.

Standard on every table is a loaf of white bread, which I guess is how some people eat their BBQ, but I chose not to sully my pork ribs with a lesser food. The picnic tables are also equipped with pickled peppers, Louisiana-style hot sauce and a huge roll of paper towels. I also got some corn on the cob that was boiled to a tenderness just shy of mushy, and for dessert some peach cobbler. I don't really have a sweet tooth, so the cobbler was a bit much for me -- the top was so sugary, the grains actually crunched between my teeth.

But oh, sweet Jeebus, the BBQed pork ribs? I have never had anything so tender and delicious. It's rare for me to finish every bite of a meal, but when I was done at Cooper's there was nothing left but a few sad, dry bones, and I thought about eating those, too.

(That last picture was the entire order for the three of us -- I'm not capable of THAT much meat.)

Hooked UP

2009-01-14T19:20:00.000-08:00

We got to come watch the Lakers play the Spurs in San Antonio tonight. I am so close to these dudes right now I can actually smell them! One thing that was very different here than in LA -- when the national anthem was being sung, everyone in the entire arena froze. Beer purchases were put on pause, everyone stopped mid-step and put their right hand over their heart. I've never seen that at a major sporting event, and I dug it. Now, I'm not for blind patriotism, but I do think it's important to show respect.

UPDATE: Though it was an extremely exciting game, the Lakers sort of blew it at the end and lost by one point. (ARGH!) But there were some amazing shots by both sides, and it was so fun to be there. I was shocked by how many people in the crowd were Laker fans, too. Though there was one Laker fan in particular we could have done without -- this guy sitting two rows behind us was more heckler than fan. He seemed to be supportive in theory, yelling stuff like, "Let's get 'em fired up, Kobe! Come on Phil, we need this!" But he spent much of the game screaming total nonsense like, "It's mamba time, Kobe! Time for the black mamba! Let's mamba!" in a mocking-sounding tone. It was befuddling and incredibly annoying, and I'm surprised he didn't leave with a giant foam finger shoved up his heiny.

"I will bite your torso and give you a disease"

2009-01-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

One of my very, very most favorite things about Austin is the Alamo Drafthouse. This place is the mothership of movie theatres -- they serve food and beers to you while you watch your movie! They have a ton of beers on tap including lots of really awesome local brews, like my favorite, Fireman's 4. And the food is amazing, though I personally have had only one thing -- the green chile macaroni and cheese. Yummy, gooey, tasty cheesiness with a little bit of crunch on top, plus explosions of green chile throughout. It is like crack to me, and even though I'd really like to try something else, my addiction won't let me.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to a regular movie theatre, not only because of the booze and the grub, but also because they don't show lame student-film Coca Cola commercials. They don't show any commercials, except their own promotions for awesome stuff happening at The Alamo. I mean, wouldn't you rather watch an ad for Super Happy Fun Monkey Bash 2009, a compilation of "mind-boggling insanity from Japanese television," than to have some shaggy-haired actor trying to sell you the latest artifical-cheese-product and freeze-dried beefarito from Taco Bell?

A lot of times they'll put up stuff before the movie that you wouldn't see anywhere else. Before Slumdog Millionaire, we were treated to truly awesome scenes from Bollywood movies and music videos that had everyone in the audience laughing and going "whaaat!" because of their absurdness. Before The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, they showed some super old-school Betty Boop cartoons, plus an old audition clip from Brad Pitt's early acting days. He appeared to be in someone's living room, and he looked like he was about 18. It was kind of painful to watch, and apparently the casting agent thought so, too, because he didn't land whatever part it was.

But perhaps even better than all of that is the "please be courteous" intro they show before movies. It made me laugh in an ab-workout-pain kind of way. I didn't know this until I tried to find it online, but apparently it was the intro to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. The Alamo version is edited down some to cut out the truly upsetting parts, and in my opinion it's funnier.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie Intro - Watch more Free Videos

"I will bite your torso and give you a disease" is by far my favorite line.

Oh, why hello there!

2009-01-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

Hello there, blog. Fancy meeting you here...

No, I hadn't forgotten about you. I'd been meaning to write, really. It's just been kind of... busy?

In truth, I've been feeling too overwhelmed with new experiences to actually sit down and write about them, but at the same time there hasn't been a whole lot of importance going on (if that makes any sense at all). Actually, I think it really boils down to me just being lame. So, it's not you... it's me. Let's be friends?

I guess I will start with the holidays, which I know are still relevant because there are still holiday-themed commercials on TV, featuring cell-phone-having snowmen. I thought snowmen didn't even have ears, but whatever.

This was the first year I've ever spent Christmas away from my family, so it was pretty different. In the past, I had been pretty smug about the fact that I'd never had to catch a plane or take off work at the holidays... I never lived more than an hour or so from the fam. Since Mike and I got to Austin what feels like 5 minutes ago, we thought it was too soon to travel to our respective families, who are on separate coasts as well as scattered in between. At first, we were just going to eat Chinese take-out on Christmas while watching 24 hours of "A Christmas Story" on TV and clipping our toenails. Luckily another option presented itself, because I think I would have needed a whole stockingful of Zoloft to get over what a sad scene that would have been.

Instead, we drove up to Dallas to spend Christmas day with Mike's mom and her side of the family. This was preceded by lots of sweatiness on my part, because I get really nervous whenever I have to meet someone new. Especially someone who is kinfolk to my future husband and might possibly deem me unworthy of assimilation into their family. Luckily I had already met his mom and knew her to be a lovely person. And even more luckilier, the rest of his family turned out to be very awesome and Texan.

We dined on turkey and pork, but there were also some healthy vegetarian options such as asparagus wrapped in bacon, and broccoli salad with cheddar cheese and bacon. With bacon pudding for dessert. No, no bacon pudding, but Mike's aunt did whip up a homemade chocolate pudding that would make Bill Cosby hang his head in shame.

And everyone was so sweet and generous in their gift-giving. We scored a couple of fluffy blankets for our super cold, super drafty house. They are awesomely soft. Mike compares the one we put on our bed with sleeping under a thousand baby rabbits.

My favorite gift, though, was given to Mike's 6-month-old cousin, Hank The Adorable. If I were shopping for a Christmas present for a 6-month-old, I might go the teddy bear or teething ring route. No. Apparently in Texas it is customary to give a 6-month-old a brand new shotgun to celebrate the birth of Jesus. Is it in the Bible? Frankincense, myrr, shotgun? I don't know, I haven't read it in a while. I guess next year I will need to spring for a stripper and a fifth of bourbon for baby Hank.

All in all it was a really fantastic Christmas full of super fun new family members and delicious food. The only touch-and-go moment involved Mike's cousins' grandma, who is in her 90s. She is all vim and vigor brain-wise, but slouches down into her wheelchair so that her head kind of turns into her shoulder, muffling her voice when she is talking. (Which is most of the time, and mostly sass.) She has a really thick Texan accent and kind of mumbles, making it near impossible to understand her. Imagine if you will the combination of Cartman's and Kenny's voices on "Southpark," if that voice was 90, feisty, and had a strong Texas accent. Luckily, Mike's cousins spend enough time with her that they could understand and interpret everything she said for us.

But disaster struck when everyone else left the room and it was just me, Mike and Mike's sister alone with grandma. None of us had ANY idea what the lady was saying, which was not helped by the fact that she was maybe The Original Chatty Cathy. It was terrifying. She was totally with-it mentally and could understand everything we said. She would go on and on about something unintelligible to the untrained ear, which was ok when we could pretend to be listening by staring intently at the cheese log, but. She would frequently ask questions of us. Or, more accurately, would make noises that sounded like they could be construed as a question and then would be silent, which seemed to indicate that we should respond somehow. I could only think of three viable solutions in this situation: pretend I hadn't heard, laugh, or shrug and shake my head. I have never been so afraid of a 90-year-old.

One small hiccup in an otherwise delightful Christmas really isn't bad.

We've done a lot of other good stuff since we've been in Austin, too, which I promise to write about before 2010.

A Bit of Bubbly

2008-12-17T20:54:00.000-08:00

I spent my evening watching "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day" in just the type of mood that made me smile goofily through most of it and then tear up a little at the end. Also, it's made me feel like using the word "quite" quite a lot. It also made me quite inclined to draw myself a bubble bath. But that felt too awkward, so I decided to take a bubble bath instead. Yes.

And it was quite lovely! And I used the bamboo bath caddy that dear Emily gave me as a gift, and it was quite a convenient place for keeping my wine and my bubble bath and my "Pure Drivel" by one Steve Martin, which I am quite enjoying.

So maybe now you think that I just loll about all day long and then soak with Drivel in the bathtub at night, but no! In fact for the last two days I have done some w-o-r-k. That I will be paid for! In dollars! (Though I'm told the conversion rate from California dollars to Texas dollars is less than favorable.) So work is starting to happen, but that's not very interesting so I'll not waste any more of your time on it.

What WAS interesting, quite, was this past weekend wherein our good friend Marcy came to visit. If you are the numberly type, you will have noticed that this increased the amount of friends we have in Austin by 1, leaving us a grand total of... 1! One friend! Of course, if you are like a John Nash at word problems, you will note that when she left on Sunday we were minus 1 friend, and therefore are back to 0 (zero) friends in Austin. But she did bring our cat Mr. Pickles with her, so I guess with The New Math that puts us at .273 friends.

Anyway, I will have to talk more about the funness of our weekend tomorrow, because now I am tired. Quite.

Week One!

2008-12-11T13:04:00.000-08:00

The internet is here, the internet is here! Finally!

Also! WE are here! Here is Austin! Here we are! And there are exclamation points!!! Wheeee!

It has been just over a week since we arrived here last Wednesday evening. It was a super duper weird feeling driving into town knowing that we were coming here to stay. As we drove into Austin proper and got nearer and nearer to our little house, we both experienced a sensation that is something like this: the impulse to dry heave + pulling into the parking lot at Disneyland + OH SHIT + mid-terms + peepants + HUH? + trampoline + YES! + OH HOLY SHIT. That sort of begins to cover it.

All we could say for a few minutes as we parked in front of the house was:

Me: Oh my god.
Him: Holy shit.
Me: OH MY GOD.
Him: Ho. Ly. SHIT.
(repeat)

And then we kind of bounced up to the front door, and Mikey scooped me up and carried me over the threshold, saying, "I know you're supposed to do this at another time, but I wanted to do it now." Did you just vom a little in your mouth from how sweet he is? I'm sorry. He is SO sweet. I love him.

But it wasn't all fairy dust and rainbows as it turned out. The house hadn't been cleaned after the previous tenant, and also the gas wasn't turned on. What this meant was mouse poopies on top of the fridge, a carpet made of dog hair, icky toilets, and random bits left behind including a can of soup, one leaf of dry lettuce, a purple kiddie pool, a pile of pennies, powdered vitamin supplement, a conch shell, and various and sundry other curios. This was sort of ok because our stuff wasn't arriving for three days, so we'd have time to clean before moving it all in. But who wants to move into a dirty, hairy, poopy house?

In a wonderment of bad timing, no one could come turn our gas on for a couple of days, and Austin suddenly experienced its first real cold snap of the season. When we drove up, it was a balmy 74 degrees. By the time we went to bed, it was about 30. So Mike and I huddled together in our sleeping bag on our air mattress on the floor, waiting for the Lowe's to open so we could rush out and buy a space heater. But at least we had a couple piles of dog hair to keep us warm in the meantime.

And when the gas man DID come, Mike had to physically restrain me from frenching him. Because not only was there no heat, there was also no hot water. No hot water + freezing cold house = no showering. And we also hadn't showered at the ranch in west Texas, because the house was so rarely used that the water had become sulfuric. This amounted to about 5 straight days without showering, so you can imagine the condition we were in after being cooped up in the cab of a Ford Ranger across the second largest state in the union and then sleeping on the floor. Not pretty.

So, not very auspicious beginnings. But! We're getting things in order, and the place is starting to feel really good. Cleaning it was definitely more of a project than in the tiny old Venice apartment. I could vacuum every inch of the old place from a single plug... this place takes a little more doing. But it was all worth it when we came home from happy hour one night last week, and we were able to head to separate bathrooms. "I'm peeing at the same time as you!" I had squealed with the special kind of glee that only two toilets can bring.

So there you have it. We're here, and things are happening. We have a Christmas tree up and we're showering daily. We are like REAL adults.

Back at the Ranch

2008-12-05T12:03:00.000-08:00

On Monday evening we arrived in Snyder, TX, population 10,000. This is
where Mike's family has had a ranch for generations - his great
grandparents homesteaded the land way back in the day. It was a long,
flat drive there from Santa Fe, past fields of cotton, many cows, some
giant wind turbines, and a lot of west Texas oil wells. I didn't know
oil wells stunk so much, but I guess if they're on your land it's just
the smell of money.

A Cave With a View

2008-12-02T16:12:00.001-08:00

Feathers Not Dots

2008-12-02T16:10:00.001-08:00

After the nuclear bomb shrine, we got prehistoric and visited some
ancient Indian cave dwellings at Bandelier National Monument. It was
crazy to think that 600 years ago there was a tribe of people living
in this pueblo in the canyon, hunting with bows and arrows. It was an
amazing place.

YES Learning

2008-11-30T20:46:00.000-08:00

We arrived in Santa Fe on Friday night and decided to extend our stay
here since we are having so much fun. We spent most of yesterday in
art shows and galleries, in between spicy meals. Today we went to the
Bradbury Science Museum in Los Alamos, which is where this photo was
taken. YES Learning? YES please! Except it was really less 'science
museum' and more 'creepy homage to the atom bomb.' Government
propaganda is alive and well!

More Science, Please!

2008-11-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

We made a detour to see the petrified forest - trees from millions of
years ago when the Arizona desert was actually a tropical forest. I
was slightly disappointed to find that it's not a forest of standing
trees, but a plain littered with big chunks of petrified log bits. It
didn't stop me from dorking out, though... I have a soft spot for
ancient stuff. This guy was the biggest - it weighs 44 tons! The tree
was heavy, too, I think.

Have You Slept in a Wigwam Lately?

2008-11-29T17:59:00.000-08:00

After Meteor Crater (again no 'the'), we made a brief stop in 1962.
Sadly, we couldn't stay.

Giant Hole #2

2008-11-29T17:47:00.001-08:00

After leaving Grand Canyon, (they don't say 'the' there - it's just
'grand canyon'), we set out for Santa Fe.

On the way, we stopped by the cleverly named Meteor Crater. This is
just what it sounds like: a big hole caused by a big rock from space.
Because I am a huge dork and prefer to do as much learning as possible
on my vacations, I loved it. Bring on the science! But really,
couldn't they have come up with a better name?

It IS Grand!

2008-11-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

We woke up early this morning, and the weather had cleared. There is
no way to do the thing justice in photos, but here is one anyway. More
to come...

A White Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

I have lots more photos to post from the last two days, but I can't
figure out how to do more than one at a time on my iPhone. Also, it's
hard to write much. But here's pretty much the best view we could get
of the Grand Canyon in the blizzard that came along last night while
we were sleeping!

November Rain

2008-11-26T10:59:00.000-08:00

Seatbelts Fastened

2008-11-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

Part I

2008-11-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

A couple of months ago, when I was taking my memoir writing class*, I began to write a piece about moving out of LA. I didn't get very far, and as my writing teacher pointed out, the piece "remains very sanguine - it doesn't give the reader a sense of what is at stake." That is the much more difficult part to write: the sad, scary part. It was easier to write the light-hearted bits.

But I thought I would put it up anyway and call this bit Part I. I still need to write the hard part, Part II. Hroo.

Part I

More and more, I am faced with undeniable evidence that I am an adult. I thought this was so after college, when summer breaks and cushy student loan checks were replaced with unpaid overtime and enough "insufficient funds" notices to wallpaper my stuffy studio apartment. But the real proof of my adulthood came a few years later, in my changed relationship with home improvement television shows. I can remember my parents wanting to watch something on TV about how best to insulate your house and me threatening to take a melon baller to my eye if they didn't change the channel. But now I spend so many evenings watching HGTV, I could evaluate your current insulation system, recommend three to four more efficient alternatives and install them myself by Monday.

I don't know which came first, my obsession with remodeling shows or my fantasies about owning a house. Either way, I spend most of my spare time watching TV shows like "Property Virgins" or reading articles about what it takes to get a mortgage now that we are in The Great Depression, Part Deux: now in technicolor! One thing is clear -- as long as I live in Los Angeles, my property virginity isn't going anywhere.

I've lived within the same 100 mile radius my entire life, with the exception of some months abroad in college. I have the kind of mixed feelings for LA that a person can ony have after more than 25 years in one place. When I fly into other cities, I press my face to the tiny window and blink quickly, confused by the green hills or blue rivers surrounding towns full of parks and baseball diamonds. I marvel at the luck of these townspeople and their ample access to fresh air.

As my plane descends back into L.A., I squint to try and find the end of the vast concrete slab that stretches from the coast to, well, perhaps infinity. Somewhere visible only by Google Maps or God. I always wheeze for a few days after I've been away, as my lungs reacquaint themselves with the smog. I bet if you were to peek at my lungs, they'd be the same color as the tangled freeways, the hazy air, the dry hills and the shoddy apartment buildings that make up this city -- a sad gray-ish brown. Or brown-ish gray, depending on the season... of which there are two. I hear some places have four seasons with charming titles like "spring" and "autumn," but here in L.A. we just have "fire" or "mudslide."

Of course there are things about Los Angeles that I love desperately. Recently I was running along the beach as the sun set in the distance over the Malibu hills. I was so overcome by the scene that I actually misted up and had to pause and pretend to tie my shoes while I collected myself. I marveled at the perspective you get from staring at the ocean and trying to comprehend how far away the other side is. I felt like a totally undeserving recipient of the universe's generosity, because how many people can just trot over to the Pacific Ocean whenever they feel like it? I felt like the geographical equivalent of a trust-fund kid.

However, since I lack an actual trust fund, I must survive on a salary of warm, fuzzy feelings, since that's practically all my non-profit job pays me. In order to afford Los Angeles living, I share a tiny, two-room, one-closet apartment with one fiancee, one cat, two bicycles and about 874 shoes. It's a little cramped, but it's only four blocks from the beach. The least expensive house in this neighborhood is a bargain $750,000 -- we're lucky just to be able to rent a sagging, smelly apartment here. So when I see a soon-to-be-homeowner twirling gleeful circles in a walk-in closet on my favorite house-hunting TV show, all I can say is, "SIGH."

About a year ago, my fiancee (then boyfriend) and I began to talk about moving. I've always felt that if I didn't live somewhere besides L.A., at least for a while, I'd be cheating myself. Even after so many years, I'm continually finding things that delight me about this city... wouldn't it be a joy to discover all the many fresh and delightful things about someplace new?

Whenever we'd travel to other cities, our inkling to move would become stronger. In San Francisco, visiting his brothers, I'd marvel at how much flowering and sprouting and blooming was happening, like, everywhere. "Babe! Babe! Stop the car! That magnolia tree is EXPLODING!" I'd screamed.

When we visited Austin, we were a half hour or more early everywhere we went. We'd become so accustomed to the L.A. habit of budgeting an extra 45 minutes for every excursion, we were confused when we didn't need it. You can get across town in 25 minutes? During rush hour? You can find a parking spot? In under 20 minutes? For FREE? We drove across town five times in one day, parking here and there, just because we could. Also, people smiled a lot there, and I can't help thinking that it must be easier to smile when you're not living under the constant threat of a parking ticket.

The grass was definitely beginning to look greener. Even more so when we discovered that in Austin you can buy a really cute house with a yard and more than two rooms in a really cool area of town for around $250,000. Like, you don't have to be an oil tycoon or a movie studio executive or a mobster to own a home. This concept is so confusing to me that I often have to nap after considering it.

The list of "pros" for moving out of L.A. was growing longer and longer -- getting away from the smog, the traffic, the expense, the attitude, the scraping by, the "scene" and getting into a real house in a real neighborhood with friendly neighbors started to sound really, really good. But one big fat "con" was the look on my friends' and family's faces when we told them we were thinking of moving...

*I know, I know - I'm only 28, and I'm not a former child star or recovering drug addict or anything, it was just for fun.

One Last Rodeo

2008-11-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

On Saturday we had our official going-away party at my Aunt Gayle's house. Of course we had to make it a Texas-themed party, because my heart beats for theme parties. I know other people probably have a vague sense of dread around theme parties, and having to think of an outfit and all that kerfuffle. But me, I hope when I die my funeral will be one giant theme party, with me buried in the most theme-iest outfit of all.

But anyway. I was very excited to find the perfect Texas-y square-dancing dress (red, white and blue, no less!) and to tease the bejeezus out of my hair. I am still coughing up hairspray. Because I was so theme-focused, it helped me to kind of forget that the party wasn't just a chance for me to wear a silly outfit (and when I say "silly" I secretly mean "awesome and twirly"). It was actually a chance to say good-bye to a lot of our friends. Umm, buzzkill! So, I'm still not really thinking about that part of it.

But man, it was a pretty fun party. I was particularly enchanted with the two tiniest party guests - Rico the dog and EJ the adorable 2-year-old. Rico and EJ were pretty enchanted with each other, too, being very size-appropriate playmates. There they were, running circles around each other, the best of friends... until. Someone decided to take the relationship to the next level. Rico got a little humpy, and EJ got a lot freaked out, and it was a rapid end to what had been a beautiful friendship. But, really, can you call it a party without some ill-advised humping and a few tears?

Photos!!

Mobile Home

2008-11-18T16:20:00.000-08:00

I just treated myself to a moving present from Etsy. I'm planning to hang this adorable pin-up mobile in the bathroom. If you want a mobile home, too, check out Salty and Sweet's shop here.

I think it will go perfectly with my "Bathina" shower cap from Benefit!

In The House

2008-11-13T16:11:00.001-08:00

One of the very most exciting things about moving to Austin is the fact that we are upgrading from the world's tiniest 1-bedroom apartment to an adorable 2-bedroom HOUSE that is dripping with charm. Like, I need a giant sponge to mop up all that charm. Also, the backyard is bigger than our entire apartment.

Here is our new landlady eyeing my hookerishly short dress from the porch of our new house.

Here is the living room, crowded full of the current tenant's stuff, but isn't it lovely? Look at all that hardwood!

Off to the side is the first bedroom -- isn't the paint color delicious? Mike is scribbling something apparently very serious in his little notebook. Probably something about lumber. He knows a thing or two about lumber. Actually, he knows a thing or two about a lot of things. He's kind of a lumber-jack-of-all-trades.

I love the white built-ins in the kitchen. I'm imagining sweet little bud vases and vintage recipe books on them.

Terrible photo, but the back bedroom is b-i-g and OH, those windows!!

Aaaaand did I mention the backyard?

Now With New Blog Smell

2008-11-12T16:56:00.000-08:00

And lo, she created a new blog to go along with the new state (red??!) and the new address (not ending in an apartment #!!) and the new job (hopefully!) and the new weather (HOT) and the new bug bites (many) and the new beers (even more many) that await her in Austin, Texas.

Armed with nerdiness and a love of puns (or maybe they are the same thing?) she set out to take up a non-systematic study of Texans in their natural habitat, so that she may live among them in peace. Thus, Texanthropology was born. And then she punched herself in the face for being such a dork and for referring to herself in the third person.

P.S. When we were there last week during the election looking for a place to live, the city was completely wallpapered with these signs. That and "Turn Texas Blue." It was very awesome!